Christmas Crunch

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It’s 11:30 at night, dishes are still in my sink, my sewing machine is finally taking a breather and I just ordered a whopping 100 personalized Christmas cards from Costco.com even though I still think I’m making a weird face in the picture and the baby is looking away, but my husband says “It’s fine.” We’re getting down to the wire now and sacrifices must be made. It’s Christmas crunch time. Tic tock.

I’m in the eye of the storm. All that Christmas magic I’m in charge of creating is swirling, fast and furious all around me. So many moving parts!

I remember watching “The Apprentice” a few years back and laughing out loud as the two finalists scurried and stressed over the final challenge: Planning a big event. (Apparently, party planning is the Trump gold standard for measuring future business executives.)

Anyways, I remember huffing to my husband and commenting, “For anyone who has ever made Christmas happen, this would be a piece of cake. Young, Harvard-degree-holding whipper snappers…what do they know?”

Try planning 30 days of magic and fun, crafts and baking, secret Santas, Sub for Santas, Santa himself, a caroling set list, outfitting three shepherds and a wise man, whipping up homemade presents and then at the end of each day, remembering to move the elf!

Are the rest of you roped into this “Elf on the Shelf” thing too? That blasted red elf used to be a thorn in my side for years until I started thinking like a Harvard grad from the show and outsourced him. Yes, my husband and ten year old now see to the Elf’s whereabouts and may I say, specialization is a wonderful thing.

Before I outsourced the elf, I’d be so exhausted by the end of the day, I’d stagger to my bed with a long to-do list still darting around my brain and I’d completely forget to move the elf! The kids would wake up in the morning and be devastated that he didn’t fly home to the North Pole that night and were fraught with worry that he may have lost his Christmas magic.

I was getting sloppy. Just move the elf. How hard can that be?

But since he’s been outsourced, my little ones wake up to the Elf on the Shelf zip lining though the kitchen on fishing wire with a knock-out brunette doll. The elf’s been found TPing the Christmas tree, fighting off toy dinosaurs while astride a woolly mammoth, and playing Uno with Jabba the Hut and the Fisher Price Little People.

Why didn’t I recruit them earlier? Why did I think I had to create Christmas all by myself?With no other Christmas chores to focus on, this duo created a niche for themselves. They became “Elf on the Shelf” experts.

A team of Christmas experts…that’s what I need during this four day Christmas crunch. Only four more days! What else can I outsource? Let’s see, I need a wrapping expert, and an envelop stuffing expert and I still need someone to do the dishes.

Oh wait, that’s me.

Expert. Ya, I like the sound of that. Now all I need is an apprentice.

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One response »

  1. MARGARET – I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, LITTLE MOTHER!
    HOPE YOU AND ALL YOUR WONDERFUL FAMILY HAS A VERY WONDERFUL CHRISTMAS – I AM SURE THEY WILL – WITH ALL OF YOUR DARLING, CREATVE PREP.
    WE ARE ON OUR WAY TO CALIFORNIA ON THURSDAY – ALL THE BOYS WILL BE AT STACEY’S….BLESS HER SOUL.
    LOVE YOU! MARGARET #1

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