Mirror, Mirror, On the Wall


Just an FYI for my loyal readers, one of my articles is published online today with Deseret News and Mormon Times. Click here to see it, and be sure to click “Like” or “Recommend” so my editors will believe I’m wildly popular.

Today’s topic: Mirrors.

I haven’t looked this bad since I was 16.

Allow me to explain.

When I was a teenager, we moved into the beautiful custom home my parents built. Each light bulb and lamp was carefully selected and meticulously installed by skilled craftsmen. Bright canned lights throughout the kitchen, a soft glow in the cherry stained den and the lighting in the girl’s bathroom upstairs, well…we could’ve performed surgery in that lighting. Rows and rows of unforgiving, fluorescent tubes, rapidly blinking 1,000 watts of pure energy onto my sallow, young face.

Plus, my mother designed 3-way mirrors into each vanity, so when I walked out the door, I was under no false illusion as to what I looked like.

You know when you go to the mall or other crowded venue and you see certain individuals and snobbishly think to yourself, “I can’t believe they left the house like that! If only they knew how unflattering from the back…” In sight of such sad cases, my mother would whisper to her girls, “I’m so glad I got you girls good lighting and mirrors. They just don’t have good lighting and mirrors, that’s all.”

Our bathroom was so bright, I felt like a vampire when I flicked on the switch every morning and had to shield my eyes. It was so bright, I felt like saying things like, “I need 3 cc’s of benzoyl peroxide, STAT!” And I was 16! My pores had never been so small!

To this day, my mother thrives on perching those small, circular 10X magnification mirrors in direct sunlight to do her make-up and shape her eyebrows. I’ve tried to tweeze my eyebrows in her mirrors, but I get all dizzy, feel near-sighted and have to lie down and nurse a 7-Up after just 30 seconds of getting up close to one of those things.

But there is a plus side to all of this magnification and bright light: If you can look halfway decent in that kind of ruthless reflection, then you look amazing under the glare of the normal 60 watt bulbs they hang at the mall.

It’s been years since I’ve done my make-up in my surgical suite, and I naively thought I was looking okay these days. But right now we are guests at my sister-in-law’s house during my husbands family reunion and her guest bathroom features the same relentless lights of my youth. Yikes! What on earth happened during the last 20 years!! I need some dermabrasion, a couple of cucumbers and 5 cc’s of mud from the Dead Sea, STAT!

But despite this little high voltage wake-up call, the kids are having a blast playing with their cousins in their pajamas, eating contraband cereal, and fighting over toys.

It really is a “fun house.”


4 responses »

  1. I have the same lighting in my childhood bathroom. Every time I visit I want to cry when I look in the mirror! On the bright side, my eye brows are always perfectly groomed!

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