Paul weighs himself at night. At night.
Don’t ask me why. Me? I refuse to even look at the scale unless it’s first thing in the morning on an empty stomach, empty bladder and I’ve nursed the baby at least twice. I’d like to see how much weight Jane is gaining, but I can’t bring myself to hold her on the scale with me because I don’t want to face those numbers again! My fear is that it will be like at the hospital when they deliver the baby, placenta and all, you hop back on the scale only to learn you weigh the exact same as before! (Will someone please explain that phenomena to me?)
My guess is that Paul likes to watch himself miraculously loose 5 pounds overnight. Or he’s glutton for punishment and his Sunday night weigh ins simply act as strong incentive to get back on the strait and narrow after an indulgent weekend.
But to his great credit, Paul now knows what the nutritional equivalent to the strait and narrow is. This wasn’t always true. When we were first married and living off a very modest budget, he and his boyish metabolism thought chips and candy belonged to the “Grocery” wedge of our little pie chart. No, no, no, no, I insisted. Chips and candy are clearly categorized under “Entertainment.” You know, a treat. Not sustenance.
Now, over a decade later, he’s turned his back on his former beloved Sausage Egg McBiscuits and is now Mr. Oatmeal and protein shake in the morning. He’s as svelte as ever, still fits into the suit he wore on his wedding day, and has taken up triathlons as a hobby. No wife could be prouder. I’ve got a trophy husband.
As for me, Jane and I have negotiated a symbiotic weight management plan. She promises to nurse exclusively for the next few months and get chubby and I promise to stay away from spicy foods, and for every pound she gains is a pound I loose. The logic’s watertight. Foolproof.
So now I don’t have to weigh myself at all! I’ll just weigh her and do the math. And I’m sure Andy will hold her on the scale for me. (It’s much easier to subtract 75 pounds anyways.)
But she was worth the weight.