“Haven’t you had that baby yet?”
Allow me to answer one and all when I sigh, “No, not yet.”
(Of course, this question is only more depressing when one has actually had the baby, unbeknownst to the tactless third party. I’ve seen it happen before. Not pretty.)
When I was six months pregnant, most people thought I was due any day now. No? Well, surely I must be carrying twins. No? Oh, well….(cue awkward trail off.)
That’s when I would smile kindly and reply, “When you look at me and then feel down right sorry for me…that’s when I’m due. I can’t explain it, really. You’ll just know it when you see it.”
People are starting to see it.
In fact, someone just asked me today if I was carrying twins. I was this close to saving us both the embarrassment and simply saying, “yes” but I couldn’t. Friend of a friend. She’d find out sooner or later.
I have now reached the incredibly childish phase of gestation where I throw myself on my bed Sunday mornings, bereft of any hope that I can fit into something suitable for church. I’m not proud of it, but there it is. My tried and true go-to skirt I’ve been wearing for the past ten weeks finally said “no.” If I don any kind of jumper I’ll be pegged as a Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade float that miraculously flew over five states intact.
A friend once told me, “It’s all smoke and mirrors. Concentrate on a great hat and your set.” I get the message: Distract the eye. But I couldn’t help but feel like some farm animal out of a “Nanny McPhee” story all dressed up in a Sunday bonnet.
The other day I put on an old racing shirt of Paul’s. School bus yellow. It looked so roomy and silky. Big mistake. School bus yellow is not, I repeat, is not a minimizing color. In fact, I think I ruined the shirt altogether for Paul. He hasn’t worn it since my big, bright fashion don’t. But I still laugh whenever I see that thing hanging in the closet.
The fact of the matter is, we’ve arrived. This baby and I are no longer “a cute bump.” We’re a duo. And it’s high time we progressed from this landlord/tenant relationship and became very good neighbors.
I’ve loved having her stay, but I’m afraid she’s trashed the place and I never did collect a security deposit. But I know this great little cradle she can stay in. Very close by. Room to grow. Location, location, location.