“You know, funny thing about getting fat is…”
“Pregnant, honey. The word is pregnant. You are pregnant and beautiful.”
Whatever. Right now it all feels the same. Last Sunday at church, a darling newlywed twentysomething got up to sing a solo. As part of her remarks, she told us how excited she and her sweet husband were to be expecting their first child as she gently patted her flat belly.
How nice, I thought. She doesn’t look like she weighs enough to donate blood. Surely she must be in the first few weeks of her long, arduous, through the shadow of death journey.
Then she went on to say that they just found out it was a boy and she was so excited to meet her new baby in April. In April.
I’m due in April. I waddled up the aisle to get to our pew that Sunday, my maternity skirt already starting to bind. I try to not let it get to me. I try not to compare. After all, I produce a pretty remarkable product, if a do say so myself. So whatever my body has to do to get that healthy, bright eyed, ten pound baby, bring it on.
So what if come April she’ll look like she cut a volleyball in half and tucked it under her blouse while I’m in month two of wearing a tent. So what if she’ll button up her jeans right there in the hospital while me and my pizza dough abs will have to slither into my maternity denim all summer long. As my wise sister once put it,
“We are not those people.”
To add insult to injurious varicose veins, my doctor tried to move my due date last week. According to babycenter.com I’m due April 30th. According to my ultrasound I’m due April 30th. But for some reason, according to my doctor’s flimsy plastic wheel held together by nothing but a brad, I’m due May 1st. May??!
I told him that he could mark down May 1st all he wanted in his little chart there, but psychologically for me, I needed to stick with April 30. That one little day makes all the difference for my sanity, I explained. (And he and I both know perfectly well he’s not letting my fifth huge baby go overdue.) So for all intents and psychological purposes, feel free to mark April 30th down on your calendars.
Better do it in pencil though. You know, just to be safe.