May Day, May Day


“You know, funny thing about getting fat is…”

Pregnant, honey. The word is pregnant. You are pregnant and beautiful.”

Whatever. Right now it all feels the same. Last Sunday at church, a darling newlywed twentysomething got up to sing a solo. As part of her remarks, she told us how excited she and her sweet husband were to be expecting their first child as she gently patted her flat belly.

How nice, I thought. She doesn’t look like she weighs enough to donate blood. Surely she must be in the first few weeks of her long, arduous, through the shadow of death journey.

Then she went on to say that they just found out it was a boy and she was so excited to meet her new baby in April. In April.

I’m due in April. I waddled up the aisle to get to our pew that Sunday, my maternity skirt already starting to bind. I try to not let it get to me. I try not to compare. After all, I produce a pretty remarkable product, if a do say so myself. So whatever my body has to do to get that healthy, bright eyed, ten pound baby, bring it on.

So what if come April she’ll look like she cut a volleyball in half and tucked it under her blouse while I’m in month two of wearing a tent. So what if she’ll button up her jeans right there in the hospital while me and my pizza dough abs will have to slither into my maternity denim all summer long. As my wise sister once put it,

“We are not those people.”

To add insult to injurious varicose veins, my doctor tried to move my due date last week. According to I’m due April 30th. According to my ultrasound I’m due April 30th. But for some reason, according to my doctor’s flimsy plastic wheel held together by nothing but a brad, I’m due May 1st. May??!

I told him that he could mark down May 1st all he wanted in his little chart there, but psychologically for me, I needed to stick with April 30. That one little day makes all the difference for my sanity, I explained. (And he and I both know perfectly well he’s not letting my fifth huge baby go overdue.) So for all intents and psychological purposes, feel free to mark April 30th down on your calendars.

Better do it in pencil though. You know, just to be safe.


4 responses »

  1. oh margaret. you definately do have beautiful children, well worth the pizza dough abs (which, by the way, i’ve never thought you had!). and for the record, i’ve always labeled you as “one of those” people who wears her regular jeans home from the hospital. you are “one of those people” who doesn’t even have muffin top indicaters of a pregnancy. i certainly wouldn’t group you with me, finally concedeing to a pant size two sizes bigger and sealing my fate with a bag of Guittard chocolate chips.

  2. This post had me rolling. Seriously! But, I have to say that you are the cutest pregnant person and you look amazingly good after the baby arrives! anyone who looks as good as you do normally only has to endure pregnancy to understand how the rest of us feel!!! and, yes, you do make a great product : )

  3. This story made me laugh so hard, though I should have been crying. You expressed everything I’ve felt through my last few pregnancies, particularly while pregnant with twins. I might have almost qualified for “one of those people” with my first but I’ll definitely never be one again. It always amazed me just how much weight I could gain despite being pretty sure nothing was actually staying down. (Sorry TMI) Oh these sweet babies and what we do for them. Happy Pregnancy!

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