One Tooth Fairy. Must be self motivated, organized, and discreet. Looking for enthusiastic individual with a strong desire to keep childhood magic alive. Punctuality is paramount. Quarters and gum will be provided. Must have their own transportation. English not necessary.
I can’t believe I forgot. I totally, completely spaced it. After the kiddos went down last night I took the car out to run a few errands, intent on returning that darn Redbox DVD before 9pm. When I got home and fell into bed beside Paul, he whispered, “Kate’s tooth came out tonight while you were gone.”
“Oh, that’s nice. Good for her.” And then I fell asleep. Asleep! It didn’t even enter my conscienceness to get up, slip my hand under her pink pillow, get the envelope, and replace it with a few quarters and a pack of sugarless gum. Would that have been so hard? What kind of fairy am I? A bad fairy, that’s what kind. There’s only one solution: I need to outsource.
This morning Paul and I both came up fumbling.
“Well, obviously, she wanted to give you a chance to bring your tooth to school for show and tell before snatching it away forever.” I said with a straight face.
Paul tried the health hazard approach.
“The reason she didn’t come is probably because I’ve been so sick the past few days. Fairies have very fragile immune systems and won’t enter houses where there are sick people. Lucky for you, I’m feeling much better today, so I bet she’ll come tonight.”
Oh, we’re a pathetic lot.
Kate did put her upper incisor in a zip lock baggie and take it to school today. Should make for good show and tell fodder. But I still want to outsource this job to someone fresh. Someone new. Someone who will think it’s the coolest job in the world. Someone who won’t forget. Someone… who will work for mere pennies.
“Andy, I have a business proposition for you…”