Kitchen Espionage

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A while back I wrote a post lamenting the effects of the Picky Eater Monster who dares to haunt my kitchen table night after night.

Well, Picky Eater Monster, two can play at this game.

You see, I’ve rediscovered my food processor. He, he, heeee…

It has the ability to render vegetables so small, thus making the produce impossible for the kids to pick off their plates. Half the time they don’t even know what they’re eating!

Pureed cauliflower sneaks into the mac ‘n cheese with ease. Sweet potatoes and spinach get smuggled into the spaghetti sauce splendidly. Just a few seconds on “pulse” and those black beans that got booed the night before are now getting rave reviews starring as chocolate chips in the brownies. The key is in the camouflage.

During triumphal moments like these, when I see my offspring gobbling up garden fresh veggies, and nobody’s the wiser, I find myself grinning widely, drumming my fingers together like some sort of storybook villain, and thinking to myself,

“You’re too late Picky Eater Monster! Too late! Their little bodies are already digesting the nutrients and there’s nothing you can do to stop them! Mwa, ha, ha!!”

As you can see, I put a lot of time and effort into all this deception and culinary cozenage. But if that’s what it takes, then so be it. You know how 007 gets all those neat gadgets and tricks before setting off to save the world? Well, ladies…we have gadgets of our own and I hereby authorize you to use them. So go ahead and pulse, puree, and pulverize to save your kids’ diets. You’re secret agent status is safe with me.

Let’s put the double 0 back in “cook.”

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