Suit Up

Standard

I’ve learned a little something about swim suits over the last few years. My newest tid bit of info is that if your child is on a swim team, you must get a 100% polyester suit. No matter how promptly you rinse out the nylon and spandex ones, the fibers are no match for the chlorine. I had to watch 3 different suits disintegrate on Andy’s body over the past 6 months before another parent finally let me in on the secret: a swim team kid’s best friends are Poly and Ester. Now he’s covered.

Kate just got her new summer suits. For girls I always look for a criss cross back. Their delicate shoulders aren’t broad enough to keep the straps from slipping off unless they cross in the back. I also look for good lining (see problem above.) And above all, I’m one of those moms whose a stickler for modesty: no bikinis.

Last year Andy came to me with our Where’s Waldo book and told me we had to throw it away.

“Why do we have to throw it out? Did you circle all of the Waldos again?”

“No. Just look at this beach page!!”

Sure enough, all those microscopic cartoon figures were spilling out of their bikini tops and by our standards, inappropriately dressed for the beach. Even the men had on the kind of skimpy suits you only see on European beaches. My boy looked like he had just found a dirty magazine. Part of me wanted to giggle–it’s Where’s Waldo, but a bigger part of me was so happy all of our parental lectures hadn’t fallen on deaf or uncomprehending ears. “He gets it,” I thought. I had to take his concern seriously.

“Well, what should we do? We can throw out the book, staple these pages together, or…” my eyes darted around the kitchen for my Sharpie. “Or, we can draw them some decent looking bathing suits with this! Voila!”

The kids and I spent the next several minutes filling in with inky blackness dozens of bare midriffs and raising the necklines of bubbled over buxom blonds. By the time we were done, the beach scene was peppered with strappy black one pieces and decent length trunks. There. All better.

My one concern now is, we are heading to the beach next month, and I already know my daughter and I will be the only females there not sporting bikinis. What will my modesty police do? What will he say? Can you imagine a darling 8 year old boy walking up to a teenage girl and saying, “I’m sorry honey, but you need to go home and put some clothes on.”

Or…oh no. He might unsheathe his black Sharpie.

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One response »

  1. HOnestly Margaret – I think you have a writting career ahead of you. Why don’t you collect a year’s worth of these posts and publish! I am SERIOUS! YOU ARE GOOD!
    Love, mimi

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