Can’t Get No Vaccinations


“Waaaa!! I’m going to suck her blood!” sobbed Luke, my three year old, through hot tears.

“What? You’re going to suck my blood?”

“No! I’m going to suck HER blood!” he wailed, brandishing his two inch finger in the direction of the nurse.

That poor, poor nurse at the county health clinic. What a thankless job.

The school called yesterday to inform me that my kids were missing a couple of immunizations in order to comply with the new state policy. If they did not get the needed shots, they could not come back to school. Panic set in and we rushed to the clinic.

First off, I had to fill out tediously long paper work three fold with my kids literally climbing the walls of the waiting room like Spiderman. My one hope was that they would try to squeeze us in as soon as possible, just to get us out of their darn office.

(That’s my new tactic to motivate salespeople to help me: let my kids run wild through their store. “What, an hour wait? Kids, you know what to do…”)

When we finally got our golden tickets to go on back, my one year old Dean’s good behavior expired. No lollipop could console him. It was like he could read the “Exit” signs because he kept sprinting towards them as soon as he could arch his back out of my tired arms.

Multiply all that by my six year old Kate’s crippling fear of needles and Luke’s fight face. It’s amazing we got the job done in under an hour.

Andy, my oldest, was a good big brother. He volunteered to be the first pin cushion and showed the kids “how easy it is. Hardly hurts at all.” He then proceeded to go around pinching everybody so as to give them a point of reference for the pain.

“Like about this hard?”

“No, more like this.”

“Like this?”

“No, like this!”

“OOOooooch!!! Mom!!”

Pinch, pinch, pinch. Yelp, yelp, yelp. Soon everyone was in tears and we still had two kids to go. We had to close the door to the tiny room to keep Dean from escaping. It got hot real quick.

I’m glad the building was installed with plexiglass windows, or Kate’s shrill shriek would’ve surely broken the glass. Two shots, two screams. Dogs barked. Bird’s fled their nests.

Then it was Luke’s turn. Luke does not like to be man handled. Lucky for me, he hissed all his threats to the nurse flashing the needles instead of the parent pinning him down. Hey, I’m the one who’s buying him a McDonald’s sundae when this is all over.

Oh, that poor nurse…She deserved an ice cream sundae too.

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