Weight a Minute

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Paul’s lost 14 pounds since New Year’s. 14 pounds. Just like that. He switched from cookies to zone bars and is doing a combination of Body for Life and P90X. Today is his “free day.” Me, I can’t take one more day of cayenne spiked lemonade.

That’s right folks, I’m off the lemonade and I’m on to the weaning phase. Last night was our date night I couldn’t bear the thought of ordering, “just water and some lemon slices for me. And maybe the parsley on that guy’s plate over there.”

So phase 2 consists of cabbage soup, V8 juice, fresh OJ and raw veggies. Later on fruit, then some dairy and then lean meats. So yesterday’s morning breakfast was a 12 oz can of V8 and oh, it was heavenly. In the afternoon I made a big pot of cabbage soup and ate half of it. Let me tell you, it felt like a four alarm binge. Who would’ve thought cabbage soup could be so satisfying?! For our date night? Sushi.

At the end of the lemonade flush-out I weighed what it says on my driver’s license! Wait, hold your applause.  After 24 hours of slurping down cabbage soup and a few california rolls, I’m up by 5 pounds. 5 whole pounds. Oh, that’s cruel. Really, really cruel. I don’t even know how that’s even physically possible. It’s like right after you give birth to a ten pound baby and you get on the scale and you’re the exact same weight as when you walked into the hospital. How can that be? How can 20-calorie-per-serving soup carry that kind of weight? Ugh.

So right now I don’t dare eat things like whole wheat toast, or who even knows what a bunch of grapes might do to me?? I shudder to think about big ticket items like frozen yogurt or sugared cereal. Hmmmm, now I know why this diet works: it just makes you plain terrified of food!

Meanwhile, I’ve got a Taylor Lautner wannabe in my house having a stinking free day.

Oh, the humanity.

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