Toilet Man


“Mom, next time I go potty, I will close the door behind me to keep out “Toilet Man.”

That is the first time I’ve heard Luke use sarcasm. But he has good reason. There’s a little raccoon living at our house. He’s about two and a half feet tall and wears feet pajamas.

He’s tears up the trash, spelunks into the recesses of our cabinets and closets and pulls everything out, and he likes to watch things splash as he tosses them into the toilet. Just this past week, I have found several things that shouldn’t be in the toilet mixed in with things that should be in the toilet. Our goal this week with the big kids is “flush.”

I have found my makeup (the good stuff,) toys (I toss them into the dishwasher for sanitizing,) toothbrushes (bye bye,) and other odds and ends deep in the porcelain bowl. Last week he reached the height where his little opposable thumbs can reach above the counter tops and table tops, so that has us clearing away our dishes all the sooner. Oh, and did I tell you he’s figured out how to climb on top of our kitchen chairs now? It’s just a matter of time before he figures out he can push them around, then the whole house is his oyster! Ahhhh!!!

Last night it became a main topic during family council. “We must keep the bathroom doors closed!” I pleaded like a polished politician. “Toilet Man is on the loose. If it is quiet, he is into something!”

I know, I should be grateful for a curious boy who could be the next Isaac Newton. But until he discovers a new law of physics, all bathrooms, pantries and cabinets will be locked up like Fort Knox. As I type this, he has gotten up and is on the loose in the kitchen. I can hear his padded footsteps. Now it’s quiet. If I type anymore, I will pay the piper…..


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